The Girl

My daughter, Sarah. The greatest joy I’ve ever known… When not screaming.

S at 5 years old

“My daughter turned 5, and I didn’t take a single picture.”
That’s the thought that immediately occurred to me Monday morning, the day after her birthday, 2 days after her birthday party. Oh well. I’ll take pictures of her soon.

Five years. Man, that went fast.
Well, since I didn’t take any pictures of her, here’s a verbal snapshot of my daughter at age 5:

She’s lippy. Getting in trouble lately for talking back. “Why should I!?” “You don’t have to, so I don’t have to.” screaming “YES MA’AM!!” When she’s in trouble, and knows “Yes Ma’am” is the only right answer.

She’s stubborn. Her decisions are more important than ours, unless we get all punishy on her. Arguing about bedtime, not staying in bed, not being quiet in bed, not cleaning up, sneaking into things she knows better about… We get all that. The explanation is usually a lame excuse given in a pretty impressive, very matter-of-fact tone.

She’s creative. She and her brother play games together. Creative, imaginative games with rules, and changes to rules, and cooperation. All dolls have names: hers have life goals, free will, fears… and sometimes diseases.

She’s helpful. Sometimes. They were both covered in blue marker Wednedsay night (“It’s bacteria. We have to wash it off”). J hates getting his hair washed, but she assured him she could do it better than I could, and he let her wash his hair. No tears, no fuss. Just trust. She did a good job, too.

She’s beautiful. Her hair isn’t fire-engine red like mine, but people keep calling hers red. It’s beautiful, long or short. She has adorable blue eyes.

She’s clever. I can’t fool her anymore – she can tell when I’m kidding or trying to pull one over on her.

She’s independent and fearless. We tell her not to talk to strangers. So she introduces herself to anybody she meets. Then they’re not a stranger. She wanders into the neighbors’ yards to talk to adults as if she’s on their level. Doesn’t matter if they’re entertaining guests, lighting their grill, etc. The whole world is her own private backyard. This part frightens me a bit… she’ll talk to anybody. Even complete strangers, while in another part of the country, who have a weird look in their eye. We can’t seem to train her out of this.

She’s a drama queen. Don’t give her what she wants and she’ll pitch a fit. Not as bad as J, so I’m sure she’ll continue growing out of it, but she can cry on command, and then she’ll get very angry if you don’t take her seriously.

She’s strong. I don’t mean Hercules strong, I mean emotionally, and mentally tough. She gets discouraged when she can’t do something herself, and that’ll get some tears and yelling, pouting and stamping her feet… but calm her down and show her how to do it, and she learns fast, then teaches her brother. She hates when she can’t do something herself, or her own way… but she learns fast. She’s started making good decisions with money too… I have P to thank for that.

She’s an adult in her own mind. The other day I raised my voice to J for disobeying me. S waited until I was done and said, “Daddy, you were just arguing with a 3 year old. That’s not good.” She must’ve seen the red glow in my eyes – she left quickly. That day we calmly voiced a new rule: Don’t get involved when somebody else is being punished. To which she said,

Ok. I think that’s a good idea. What does ‘involved’ mean? (From the same girl who told me the marker on her skin was “bacteria”)

P is convinced that little J is possibly smarter than S at the same age… I think it’s just the benefit of example and competition. I saw it in my own brothers and sisters… they picked up on things I did. But we’ll see where he’s at in 2 years and know for sure.

Watch Out For The Ooof! (Sordid Stories #2)

“Pirate Omar” is a recurring character in my daughter’s favorite story requests. He’s basically a happy-go-lucky, friendly, adventurous pirate who sleeps in his own bed (on his pirate ship, of course) all night long.

This particular story has only been told to my 2 year old son once. And yet he repeats the fun part every chance he gets.

Watch Out For The Ooof!

Once upon a time, Pirate Omar wanted to see if he could sail all the way across the ocean to the clouds far, far away.

He sailed all day and all night, and all the next day. After all that sailing he was very tired, so he went to sleep in his bed.

The next morning he woke up when he heard a sailor yell “Watch out for the Oof!”.

Pirate Omar sat straight up in his bed, curious about the funny thing the sailor said.

“Watch out for the Oof!”, he heard another sailor shout.

Pirate Omar jumped out of bed, ran up onto the deck and looked around. Everywhere was foggy and gray. He couldn’t see very much – they must have reached the clouds!

Just then, another sailor called out, “Pirate Omar! Watch out for the”

OOOF!*

A big fluffy cloud had bonked right into Pirate Omar’s head and knocked him right down. He slept all day and all night again.

  • “OOOF!” is only fully appreciated when you whack your sleepy child in the head with a pillow. At which point they’re no longer sleepy.
  • The first time you tell this story, it’s better to hit yourself with the pillow… hitting an unsuspecting, sleepy child might be considered abuse. It’ll certainly incite crying. Subsequent retellings are fair game for whacking children.

A Bunch of Monkeys (Sordid Stories #1)

I’m easily entertained, and (I think) creative about the stories my son and daughter get when they ask for a story before bed. So I’m storing some of them for recycling on my grandkids someday.

My wife laid out a few rules about bedtime stories I try to adhere to… in my own way.

  1. Bedtime stories must be short.
  2. Bedtime stories are quiet.
  3. Bedtime stories aren’t exciting, and involve the protaganist sleeping all night long in their own bed.

1 out of 3 isn’t bad.

Pink Baby and a Bunch Of Monkeys:

Once upon a time, Pink Baby* was hanging out in the jungle, up in a tree.

And a bunch of monkeys came by!

The monkeys were eating coconuts, and Pink Baby started crying.

“Wah, wah wah! I want a coconut! Wah wah wah!” It was really quite annoying.

Of course, the monkeys didn’t understand Pink Baby. So she cried and cried, while they sat around, passing each other coconuts to eat, chattering loudly and watching her cry.

Finally, a nice, pretty Momma-monkey came over to Pink Baby, and picked her up. Pink Baby stopped crying as the gentle Momma-monkey looked softly in her eyes, like she wanted to help Pink Baby.

WHACK!* The Momma-monkey bonked Pink Baby on the head, and Pink Baby slept for 3* days.

  • Pink Baby is my daughter’s 2nd or 3rd favorite doll. She’s not as desirable as Sally or “Baby of my baby”, but this story has made her famous around bedtime.
  • “Whack!” was accompanied by Daddy head-butting Pink Baby unexpectedly. Note: laughing children are hard to get to sleep. Children who imitate Daddy get headaches.
  • When my daughter retells this story, 3 days seems too short. So she substitutes 49.